Where to start- how to get the wedding ball rolling

What is the number one question I am asked by brides and recently engaged friends alike? "Where the heck do I start this process?" Before you start planning your color scheme, dress or even picking your maids, read this! Here are my top 5 tips to relieving the stress from the start:

(Via The Brend)

1.  Brain Dump!!- Hey lady you just got engaged!!...there are like one MILLION thoughts going through your head at 1:00 am and I know you have to go to work tomorrow. Sit down and write it all out.  It doesn't have to make sense! Write down your biggest concerns, any vendors you had in mind, thoughts about the look, feel, sound.  Write about the food, the drinks, the music.  Think about those top three things that are most important to you and ask your honey to chime in- I call these your "non-negotiables." Non-negotiables are those things that are so central to who you are and what your wedding represents that you would rather not have a wedding at all if it meant leaving those things behind.  Does your groom think that an open bar is the only way to go? Do you want to have your favorite local band play at your reception?  What are the things you just cannot live without? Or how about those things you could care less about?!

Think about the time of year, or even the month you might want to have your event.  Getting it all out on paper will help those juices to flow, and alleviate some of that initial anxiety you are feeling once people start asking you questions about where, when, who etc.

2. Make a budget- According to wedding website Elegant Gala, the average wedding in the US costs about, $28,000 and here in Atlanta it is about $21,650-$30,000 for 150-160 guests.  Budgeting does not have to be an allocation of funds to each vendor like "I am only spending $500 on flowers and $2000 on a photographer."  Instead, it can be "I will not exceed $30,000 and figure it out as I go."  This allows for flexibility as you plan, and remember, you can always go back and change your mind.  Suddenly decide that you want to save some money and go with a DJ instead of a band? As long as you haven't signed a contract or put down a deposit, take that money and put it back into the general fund to spend on a liquor upgrade or custom linens.

Some brides find it difficult to sit down and select a target number that they will not exceed. If this is you, think about your reaction to my previous statement about the national and Atlanta average for weddings.  If you thought "oh my GOSH is she INSANE?! that is way too much!" then you know that your budget will fall below the average cost and only you can set that bottom line.  If either of your families has offered to help, make sure you have some estimate as to what they are contributing, think about what you can contribute and how much that will add to your budget.  There is no reason to blow the roof off of your estimate; understanding what you are comfortable spending is the first step.

Hate excel spreadsheets?  No worries! The Knot, Our Dream Wedding, and ProjectWedding.com have great wedding budget tools and tracking sheets.  There are also suggested costs for each wedding expense on these sites, but remember these are just suggestions, only you can determine what feels right for each category.

3.  Grab your honey and make that guest list!- Having a budget and a guest list will change the way you plan.  With a guest list in tow, you know how many people you need to feed/water, what kind of venue space you will need for both ceremony and reception, and the count for tables and chairs.     Typically, you can plan on about 75-80% of your invitees showing up to share in your day, so remember this as you are thinking about places and costs.

Combined with your budget, you will be able to fill in what you might want to spend per person for food and drink plus venue fees- a huge chunk of your budget!  There are lots of "secret" costs you can alleviate once you have decided on a guest list, ie many places will provide chairs, tables, and linens but if your list leans towards the high side, you may need to have the caterer or venue order more. More chairs/tables/linens/tents = more money. Thinking about these costs from the start will ease your mind as you plan to spend money on fun stuff like a dress and shoes!

4.  Write down your wish vendor list and make a plan to meet each member of your dream team- There is a pretty standard list of vendors that every bride will select- venue, caterer, flowers/decor, stationer, photographer, band/DJ.  Did your best friend have an awesome photographer?  Do you have a favorite restaurant that would just make your guests drool? Put pen to paper and use the internet to find these folks.  You would be surprised at how willing people are to work within your budget and meet your needs.  Many vendors will ask for your date, but you don't have to have all the details hammered out right away.  For example, if you have your heart set on a venue, and it makes it onto your non-negotiables list, perhaps the venue availability will help you to solidify your date.  Once you have contacted your vendors, meet face-to-face, ask a million questions and think "do I trust this person? Am I excited to work with them? Do they meet my needs?"  Remember, you don't have to make the decision upon first meeting, but some vendors book a year in advance, especially a one man/woman show.  Your band can only be in one place at one time, but a DJ service may have multiple DJs, each performing a wedding in the same night.  Thinking about it from a booking perspective will help you decide who to talk to first.

5. Remember that nothing is set in stone!- That is until you sign a contract or put down a non-refundable deposit.  Here is the thing ladies and gents- you CAN and WILL change your mind.  Be open and flexible when it comes to planning as things are subject to change.  You may decide that you cannot spend in some places and need to revise your original plan.  It is ok to meet with a vendor, and then decide, you cannot commit.  Just make sure that you are clear in your meeting that you are still deciding on budget, and you are interested in learning about their work and their pricing.

I hope that these tips help soothe your furrowed brow- I've heard those cause wrinkles to appear in your wedding pictures.

And if all else fails...hire a planner! ;)